With Old Age Comes Wisdom… Stick It!

My buddy, Timmy and I would watch the older guys come into the gym and do their workouts. We’d snicker a little, as the rate at which they trained and the amount of weights they pushed were not up to the standards of young stallions such as ourselves…That was twenty-some years ago. — Now I am one of those guys!

How the Hell did that happen?!

I had heard stories about this whole “getting old” thing, but I never imagined it was going to happen to me! Now, on the rare occasions I actually make it to the gym, I just know those young bastards are snickering at me behind my back.

Well, that’s not 100% true…A lot of the time they do it right to my face. - Yea, yea, you’re saying something about “poetic justice”. Well, poetic justice ranks right up there with getting old on the list of things that piss me off, so stick it!

Hey, look at that…I’m turning into a grumpy old man right before your eyes. It’s only a matter of a short period of time before I’m sitting on my porch, shouting, “You kids get off my lawn!” I’ve already noticed that many more of my sentences now begin with “I used to…” rather than “I’m going to…”

I’ve heard many times that “With age comes wisdom.”

Oh yea?

When I was 7 years old, I was a dumbass. – At 27, I continued to be a dumbass. – Now, I’m 47 and, you guessed it, still a dumbass! I’d much rather be a fit, athletic moron than a feeble, creaking genius anyway!

When I first started noticing all this stuff, I thought it was just a mid-life crisis. But then I realized that I’m 47 years old and the average life expectancy is about 77…I’m too old for a mid-life crisis! I am way beyond the midway mark. At this point, I’m not really aging anymore, I’m rotting.

I am terrified that I’m going to be walking through Wal-Mart and suddenly find myself thinking, “Hey, those lime green pants are pretty cool. Maybe I’ll try them on and make sure that when I pull them up to just below my sternum, the legs are 3 inches above my shoes.” — Can mall-walking as my only form of exercise be far behind?

I am aware that this has not really been an article, but simply a panicked, insane rambling about one of life’s inevitabilities. The upside is, the only alternative to going through the angst of getting old is to stop aging, which, at this point, can only be facilitated by death.

There, that didn’t make me feel any better.

I think I’ll go out, find some happy young person of about 23 or so and taunt him unmercifully…

Actually, I’ll probably head for the door, decide the whole thing is going to take too much effort, and instead grab some chocolate ice cream out of the freezer and sit down in the living room to watch reruns of “Happy Days.”

For more junk like this, go to: http://www.freepizzaandicecream.com